Brian

Life for me began in the picture perfect home. The problem is that what it was: a picture. The inside was very different than the outside. My father was a physician who worked 70 hours a week, making it difficult to build a good relationship with him. When my parents were both present, they struggled to get along. Intimacy and affection were rare. The truth is we went through the motions of life in both relationship and religion. I attended church every Sunday, but during the service I would draw my favorite Formula One racecars and drivers. And during Sunday School, my brothers and I had a secret meeting spot where we would watch wrestling and cartoons. At meals, we did pray, but I am not sure if the prayers were of meaning to any of us. To me, Christian faith was merely a ritual instead of a relationship.

The ritual of life continued through high school and college, and into my early adult life. I began to recognize an emptiness that needed to be filled. I wanted to know who I was, and what this life is for, and I began the search. Embracing the latest fashion trends, experiencing the victory in competitive sports, and connecting with beautiful women seemed to help fill the void. I felt valued and like I actually had a sense of purpose, so I pressed on. What little faith I had entering college had pretty much dissipated by the time I graduated.

Within a week of receiving my degree, my mother told me that my parents were getting a divorce. She said they chose to wait until I graduated. I didn’t take their token of grace well. I resented their decision and became bitter towards them. Shortly after their divorce I met a young woman who quickly swept me off my feet. My decisions were clouded by emotion, and wisdom went by the wayside. I moved in with her and her 3-year-old son. This relationship was full of turmoil, and the burden of life seemed too much for me to carry on my own. Since my home was a source of stress and tension; I turned all my energy toward the success I was finding in the work place. I became a rising new banker. My self worth was derived from my newfound success and I was happiest when I was in the spotlight, winning each new contest my employer set before me. Then the birth of my son was both an added pleasure and increased stress. The burden became heavier and tension became more intense. I found myself in financial ruin, living way beyond my means, liquidating investments and retirement just to pay the bills. We tried to make the relationship and our family work, but we couldn’t. I moved out and hit rock bottom. The beauty of being at the bottom is that there is only one place to look, and that is up.

Because of my religious past I prayed and asked the Lord for wisdom and guidance in my life. Then, my dad called and asked me to go to a men’s conference. I asked him for more detail, and he said that it was about becoming a better man…with all that I had been through I had nothing to lose and agreed to go. The conference happened to be a Promise Keepers Conference at the Metrodome. The first night, we sat in the upper deck and throughout the night my emotion was building…each word that was spoken penetrated my heart and was being directly spoken to me. For the first time, I realized that it was about a personal relationship with Jesus not just the belief I had known. With tears flowing down my face, that night I committed my life to Jesus Christ and acknowledged that God had a different purpose and calling for my life than the way I had been living. The burden that had been too heavy for me to carry was lifted, and I truly felt God’s forgiveness.

I then joined a Promise Keepers men’s group and began meeting with a mentor on a weekly basis. His mentoring spurred growth in every area of my life. Along with my commitment to Jesus Christ, I began to feel called in the area of my deepest struggle, sexual purity. Because of God’s forgiveness and grace that allowed me a new beginning, I wanted to be able encourage others who share this same struggle. I have been able to speak about this in small groups and in one-on-one mentoring relationships. God has taught me that I have a greater purpose to be living.

My life’s deepest purpose is devoted to energizing and encouraging people’s awareness of and passion for Jesus Christ, through living out my faith and attempting to be an example and vessel for the Lord to work through. I will teach, actively share my faith testimony, and belief in absolute purity before marriage, I seek to enrich people’s lives and give them hope and encouragement, I will help build God’s kingdom and make an eternal difference. I want to use my life and resources for doing God’s will. I want to be authentic, genuine, and show love towards others in actions, not just words.

In the Bible, St. Paul says, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” It doesn’t matter how you start; what matters is how you finish the race. I want to be like Paul. I want to finish well.